chinese accent?

i was told diversify isn’t a word today, because i pronounced it funny -o-

but then when i was told the correct pronounciation, i couldn’t tell the difference…

maybe this is the ignorance all people with accents share, hence why they can’t seem to get rid of the accent

it really bothers me to know that i have an accent

yet a lot of the times when i express this concern i get told “nah your english is fine! what accent?”

i don’t know what to believe

it’s like

i get called a fob, but i also get called an abc
yeah “best of both worlds” they all say
but…it makes me confused -o- what AM i?

half-half

what the hell am i….

fag hag

i could be your fag hag
and you could be my gang

gotta love lily allen.
now since that was the last song that played in my car before i arrived home (also coz i’ve listened to it 3 or 4 times today), i have it stuck in my head.

yes, i sing along every time it comes on, and yes i sing it out loud when it’s stuck in my head. but what IS a fag hag?

i don’t think i really know.

i suppose i do this a lot, sing to a song and not even know what i’m singing about. most of the time because i can barely catch the lyrics so i just make it up to the closest sounding words and sing it.

being a so called “in-between”, i’m stuck between an ABC and a FOB. so whether the song is in chinese or english, there are sure to be words i just can’t freaking catch until i look the lyrics up. which i can never be bothered doing. so i always end up singing my own version.

speaking of in-between, i’m in a very awkward time at the moment. 4.39am. it’s like, should i sleep, or not? if i sleep now, i get 4 hours maximum (work starts at 9am). so that’s…half of what i’m meant to be getting. but if i were to stay up and probably take a caffeine pill or something in the morning to keep me going at work, i’d really have nothing to do for 4 hours. i mean, i’m too tired/cbb to study now. but i’ve got nothing to do online…i never have anything to do online anymore! i can sit there, busily check email/facebook/blackboard/msn and whatever’s left for 15-30minutes, then have absolutely nothing to do AT ALL. makes me wonder how i used to stay online for hours and hours and hours and still think i had more things to be done…

so back to the sleeping problem.
why am i still up you ask?

well for one, i’m paranoid of spiders creeping around my ceiling. after finding 60 spiders crawling around my room within one day, i (after vacuuming all the spiders away) sprayed an excessive amount of those insect killing shit around my room (in every corner possible, and even under my bed) and just left it there…slept in the living room for two nights, got massive sore neck and lacked sleep, slept away from home for another few nights…now i’m back.

so apart from the spiders, i’m also paranoid of the insect spray. i can’t smell it anymore, as in, the scent…not that it smells nice or anything…but yeah, i can’t physically smell it, but i can feel it making my nose feel uncomfortable? so i wasn’t sure what to do…coz for some reason during the few nights i didn’t sleep at home, the sofa got filled up with other shit, so i can no longer use it as my refuge.

what else? i’m hungry. on many occasions i’ve been told to go to sleep to ignore the hunger til the morning, but how the hell do you sleep when your tummy is aching and rumbling? i NEED to eat. but it’s such a bad time to eat. so i’m trying to wait for myself to be so overly hungry that i just don’t feel hungry anymore. which is also bad for me. i don’t know. i’ll probably end up eating some junk after i finish this entry.

my eyes are so tired. but my body and brain are still so active. which means as soon as i turn my light off and shut my eyes, i’ll keep tossing and turning, and just start pondering about shit, and annoy the hell out of myself because i just won’t be able to get to sleep (and craig david’s insomnia plays….)

how good would it be to be a cullen. working at 100% at all times. when sleep is not needed, so much more can be done. what takes me three or so days to do now could be done in one day! how convenient!

oh dear, i just ate.
junk foooooood. woots.
so tasty, so bad.
WELL. i think i’m ready to sleep now. if not, i’ll just…toss and turn and think about random shit. which i hate doing. coz i always think over recent events, even the SMALLEST TINIEST DETAILS, and overthink, and start thinking people hate me or are pist at me. then i get paranoid, sad, stressed….the lot.

i may have depression.