diaries of an insomniac.

5.11am

my computer was turned off an hour ago. before i rolled in my bed for an hour. now it’s back on. i got sick of rolling.

the sun isn’t back yet. either that or the clouds are too thick, i don’t know. but it still looks like night outside. the darkness of the street reminds me of a scene from Harry Potter. expecting the Knight Bus…any moment now.

or maybe that ugly cat (which i previously mistook for a fox because of its ugliness) will suddenly turn into a bus. like in Totoro.

or maybe the Magic School Bus will come by, too.

please remind me why i’m talking about buses?

 

i know why i’m awake

it’s too noisy here

here, there, anywhere

the clutter of voices bickering inside my head

constantly reminding me of the never ending list of “things to do”

forever wandering back to the same old questions that never cease to intrigue me. that, or annoy. i don’t know.

shut up, i don’t care;

i wish i didn’t.

i should start being honest to myself.

 

so here i am, sitting here, blogging about nothing at all.

done my chores for the day. completed mini projects. prepared presents: for birthdays, for graduations.

uni readings? neh, do them tomorrow. (procrastination at its best)

 

i think i’m just awake because i’m too worried about reoccuring nightmares. as i’ve previously experienced.

not scary ones, not thrilling ones, just heartbreaking ones that lead me to wake up in a pillow of tears.

 

sometimes i just wish i could shove someone’s finger into my head, much in the same fashion as a usb plugged into a computer;

and this would allow them to understand/see/feel everything i’m experiencing

saves so much time from not needing to explain things

comes in handy too when conflicting views arise.

 

babblebabblebabble.

 

the purpose of this was to clear the mess in my head

but it doesn’t look like it’s working

so i guess…i’ll have to resort to doing uni readings til i fall asleep. in the book. drool and all. because i’m so graceful like that.

 

and i wish i could stop myself from hoping

but hope is all i have.

if hope can translate into confidence which then translates into my hope coming true

then hell i will hope like i have never hoped before.

 

don’t know how it began, but i don’t see an end for it.

happy endings don’t exist;

because true happiness is never meant to end.

 

5.26am </end>

0 replies

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *